


Second Choice, Second Chance

by MySoCalledAngst



Category: Code Black
Genre: Christa gets into a fight with a wall and loses, F/M, Minor Self Harm, and sort of occ but their hearts are broken soooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 03:43:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6103717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MySoCalledAngst/pseuds/MySoCalledAngst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Promptly after the atrocious way they left things, Grace knows she caused this. </p><p>Putting aside her personal wants, she does her best to reunite the couple that was clearly going to reunite away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Choice, Second Chance

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in denial, I'm very upset, and I am not happy. 
> 
> I hope the Christeal fics roll in as normal, because this ship ain't dead until it's lying next to the titanic. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope this heals the soul of all my fellow tumblr Christeal shippers. Let's get back to writing funny stories with funny endings and pretend this finale never happened, Kay?

As Christa walked away from Neal, she felt the familiar tickle of sobbing make its way up her throat. She choked them back, not wanting to give the impression she was hurt. 

It wouldn't have been so bad if he had tried to fight for her. But he had just stood there with that dumbstruck look. It both saddened and enraged her, despite being the one to make this decision. 

Christa refused to look back down the stairs at him, waiting until she was all the way upstairs to allow her emotions to break the floodgates. She jogged to the locker room, and once she was positive she was alone, she melted down. 

The pure pain of heartbreak hit her like a freight train. It was like someone was crushing her in a trash compactor; her air was wasting fast and she could barely stay on her feet. 

What happened next, however, surprised her... no, it terrified her. 

In a wild fit of unorganized feelings, she punched the wall with full force. The pain in her hand took away from the pain in her chest. It felt good, in the most primal way. Within a second, she was hurling punches at the stone wall, blood starting to spray after the third punch. 

It didn't deter her, however. It egged her on. She kept hitting the wall, letting out angry growls and sobs until her hands could take no more abuse. Christa stumbled back and sat on one of the many benches. Allowing her eyes to fixate on the wall, what she saw could only be described as a scene from Amityville Horror. 

It was as if the wall was bleeding, the drops of blood appearing to ooze from the little pores on the brings surface. It was so plentiful, the blood had already started a small pool on the floor, where the blood had dripped. 

Looking at her hands was worse. They were nearly unrecognizable; shaking and mangled through her self abuse. A small pool of her own blood had formed at her feet, the cream colour of her flesh unnoticeable through thick coatings of red. 

Christa felt ashamed. It had been a childish impulse she collapsed too. How dare she let Neal have that power over her. 

The mere thought of him sent her into another sobbing fit. He had done absolutely nothing to tell Grace he didn't want her. At least, she hadn't heard of anything. Neal let this little hussy hold his hand and comfort him when he should have come looking for her. Again... he just stood there when she told him she couldn't be anyone's second choice. Her insides coiled; she had fallen for someone who didn't care about her nearly as much as she thought. 

It felt foolish, to be in this position once again. It was hardly the same with her ex-husband; in both situation and feeling. This had hurt far worse than her husband leaving in the night. She'd never be able to tell why. 

Christa hadn't heard the door open. Grace had heard some thumping just outside, after seeing the inaudible exchange between the two lovebirds. She had sensed something was wrong and she was right. 

Grace looked at Christa's shaking form and the crime scene around her with nothing but understanding. She had been that broken before and she wasn't in the game of judgement. She also realized how poorly she herself had fucked up. She had imposed herself on what was clearly a happy, healthy relationship before she showed up. Guilt riddled her mind and she knew she had to try to repair the damage she had caused. 

"Christa..." Grace said, unsure of where to go from there. 

At the sound of her name, Christa wiped at her face aggressively with her sleeves. 

"What could you possibly need that is needed right now?" Christa's voice was far from seething, but there was an edge that warned Grace to tread carefully. 

"I heard... I saw you and Neal..." She stumbled, still so unsure. Grace stayed towards the door for two reasons; to make sure no one walked in and just in case that wall was just practice for the real thing. 

"You should be jumping with joy. It's obvious I was his second choice and now he's free for the taking. Go claim your prize." Christa stood, looking through Grace as she walked across the room, using her wrists to take the first aid kit off the wall. 

"Now, if you don't mind me, I've got to wrap myself up." Christa whispered, heading into the bathroom within the locker room.  
CBCBCB

Neal had taken to his favourite place in the hospital; the roof. The sun was just coming up, basking the rooftop in a warm orange glow. He stood at the back of the hospital, far away from the door, and sat. He looked to the concrete jungle for answers. 

He hadn't meant to let her walk away like that. Neal knew she should've tried harder in the moment. But a dear lesson his mother had always taught his was to wait twenty four hours before revisiting a subject that made you emotional. 

Neal didn't say anything to Christa, not because he felt she was right, but because he couldn't make the words leave his throat. 

Reflecting on the time they had spent together, more specifically when Grace had entered their lives, he knew he could've done things differently. When Christa had asked him who Grace was to him, he could've put everything out on the table. Because then, they would've been in the right headspace to discuss it all; with proper articulation, he could've told her that Grace was his definite past. 

For the first time in months, since seeing his mom laying in a hospital bed, he cried. Neal succumb to the emotions he always seemed to be able to tame, breaking down into what Leanne called his 'ugly cry'. His nose was running, his eyes were puffy and red, and his body was racked with convulsions. 

This was nothing like the heart break he had experienced with Grace. This was so much worse. Neal knew that by not being open and honest, he had destroyed their relationship before it had even gotten started. 

He, much like his blonde counterpart, hadn't heard the wild swinging of the door. An elongated shadow presented itself to his peripherals, causing him to look up at a very distressed Grace. 

He was hoping it was Christa. 

Grace saw the disappointment in his face and sat down in front of him, taking a deep breath in. 

"We screwed up." Grace admitted. 

"No, I did."

"No, we did. I kept inserting myself to try and be in your life and I didn't take a hint. And yeah, we started to become friends, but that was at the cost of your relationship. If you did what I think you did, you didn't tell her what you should have. We made a concoction that Christa couldn't see through. That was our fault." Grace wasn't here to cradle Neal's feelings, but to get him back in track. 

"Thank you for the play by play on how we fell apart." Neal sobbed softly, putting his head in his hands. 

"I had too. Without it, we wouldn't be able to approach a solution."

"She said she was my second choice, Grace!" He barked, head still in his hands, and tears still flowing freely. 

"And what did you say to make her walk away like that?" She asked. 

"Nothing... I said nothing. I didn't try..."

"It's not too late. I was trying to find her after you ran off... she was in the locker room and she was just as destroyed as you." Grace didn't want to go into detail, but she had to give him the ugly truth to light a fire under his ass. 

"I found her... she had really hurt herself. She punched the walls until her hands were... she won't be at work for a couple days." Grace couldn't look at him, but out of the corner of her eyes, she could see him sink smaller. 

"Why would she hurt herself like that? She seemed so okay walking away." Neal sobbed, harder and with no control. The thought of Christa hurting herself, being so torn up over him made his stomach churn. 

"Name one woman who doesn't put on a brave face after having their heart broken. You can't tell me you've never punched a wall in a rage. I have."

A silence fell between the two doctors, the only noise being Neal's violent sobs he was working desperately to control. 

"Christa said what she did because she genuinely believed you didn't see her as the one. You need to tell me, Neal... when you look at her, what do you see?" Grave whispered. 

"I love her... and I never told her. I was going to take her home and make her breakfast and say it, but-"

"But nothing. She thinks you consider her to be a second choice. But she's not, Neal. She thought I was your first choice, and at some point I was, but not since you've known her." It hurt her deeply to sacrifice her own feelings, but before all this had happened, she had seen them together. It was undeniable that Christa Lorenson possessed something she did not and Neal had taken to it. 

"A second chance?" Neal chuckled, still feeling defeated. 

"Not even," Grace sighed ", I broke your heart. You grew as a person and then you met her and you clicked. This was the way it's supposed to be... if you tell her you love her, make more of an effort to let her in on your thoughts... you two will turn out just fine." Grace was confident in her words, and patted Neal's shoulder before standing up. 

"It's not too late to fight for her. So go do it." Grace said, a finality to her voice that let Neal know she was done. 

Neal nodded, feeling hopeful as he clambered to his feet. He placed a hand on Grace's shoulder, just for a moment, before running across the roof to find his love. 

Grace knew she couldn't stay after what she had done. The cogs were already in motion for her to go back to Haiti. She was far more happier out there.  
CBCBCB

It had been twenty minutes and Christa had to wrap and re-wrap her hands four times. She just kept bleeding through the bandages. She couldn't make them too thick, she had to be able to work her hands, but it wasn't enough to contain the damage she had done and people were starting to notice. In a moment of free time, Malaya referenced silently to Christa's hands. Even without the bleeding through, white bandages and the pained expression on her face whenever she moved them were a dead giveaway. 

"They weren't like that in centre stage... what do you think happened?" He asked, turning his back to Christa so she couldn't see them talking. 

"I don't know... looks like she's been crying though... I'll check in with her before I go home." Malaya replied and Mario nodded in agreement. Even though they hadn't always gotten along, Christa was still his sister within these walls. 

Christa was gripping a pen, the pain surging all the way up to her elbow. Her writing was shaky and nearly illegible. Wincing, she set the pen down, seeing she had already bled through the bandages so much that it looked soaked under the yellow lights. She had only re-wrapped eight minutes ago. 

She kept her hands up and ran to the supply closet. Shutting the blinds, she began the tedious re-wrapping process. 

Leanne Rorish had seen the entire exchange and furrowed her brow.  
CBCBCB

Neal tried not to seem frantic as he looked around the entire emergency room for Christa. His co-workers tried to speak to him in the halls, but he couldn't hear them over the sound of his own thoughts. 

What if she quit? What if she went home? What if she was already packing up all the things she had left at his loft? 

He hoped Christa wasn't too far gone. He had to find her, he had to kiss her, and hold her in his arms once again. This time, he wouldn't let her go. 

When he checked everywhere he'd thought she'd be, he felt panic melt his mind. Unreasonable thoughts bombarded him; she was already over him, Christa was off somewhere making out with Campbell to spite him (and he wouldn't blame her, with the way he had treated her since Grace came back), and the worst; she had quit in a fit of rage and he might not see her again. 

Leanne noticed the way Neal's neck tense up as he stood in the middle of the hall, brain clearly overworking itself. She approached the tall doctor, giving him a tap in his arm. 

"I've got a bleeding and crying Doctor Lorenson... and a crying and anxiety ridden Doctor Hudson," she placed both her hands on each of his shoulders ", what the hell happened?" 

"Did you see Christa? Where did she go?" He seemed to be in a fog, not looking down to Leanne, but around the emergency room in wide sweeps. 

"Supply room three, just a minute ago. Haven't seen her come out." She stepped aside, knowing that whatever happened had to be dealt without further explanation. 

Neal ran, attracting the attention of many, with reckless abandon. Without a moment to pause, she barged into the supply room and shut the door, looking into the back of Christa's head. 

"Christa." 

"Leave. Please." It's all she could say. She tucked her hands in closer to her body, not wanting Neal to know she had done something so impulsive and destructive. 

"No. I'm not leaving. I'm not letting you leave." He tried to sound strong, but his voice cracked. Christa noticed, looking back just a fraction before going back to wrapping. 

"You hurt yourself." Neal whispered, coming up behind her gently. He place his hands on her shoulders and she shrugged away. He kept being persistent, letting his hands fall down her back and settle on her hips; a stance they had taken most often in the kitchen when she was making him pancakes. 

Neal cringed as he looked down at her hands; dark purple bruises already forming around her knuckles. Neal pushed his hands forward to wrap around her stomach and pulled Christa into his chest. She ignored him, using her weak hands to wrap the other. Christa would realize in hindsight that by wrapping her own hands, she was making the blood circulate more, which caused the aggressive bleed-through. 

"Let me help." It was a statement, not a question, as he turned her so they stood face to face. 

Christa wouldn't lift her eyes from his hands as the expertly wrapped bandages around them. She loved to watch his hands when he did almost anything; it was clear he was a surgeon at heart. When he finished his handiwork, Neal wanted nothing more than to pepper gentle kisses upon her wrapped hands and take her home. 

"I'm going home. I can't work like this." Christa referred to her hands, but Neal knew there was another meaning behind it. 

"Don't go." 

Christa didn't listen, bumping shoulders as she passed Neal. She stomped to the door, ready to ask Leanne to go home, but something stood in her way. The aid Neal offered was excellent, but her hands were wrapped so tightly (in addition to the temporary trauma she caused) she couldn't grab the doorknob correctly. It didn't stop her from trying, just causing more frustration to bubble. She could feel his eyes in her, and when Christa looked, Neal was smiling softly. 

"Stop rubbing it in my face and open the door." Christa was tired of feeling emotions at the hands of this man; embarrassment, anger, sadness... love. 

"If letting you struggle is what's going to keep you here, with me, then I'll let you do it all night." Neal sighed, taking a few steps towards her. 

"Just say what you want to say and say it. I want to go home." 

"You're not my second choice." 

Christa took in a quiet gasp. She wasn't ready. She hadn't been expecting anything like this to happen after how despondent he looked when she had said those words. 

"You're not my second choice. You were never my second choice."

"You asked Grace to marry you! And you thought keeping something that big a secret was just fine!" Christa raised her voice, but not enough to yell. She didn't want to attract the ERs attention. 

"And she said no to me! That was the best damn thing to happen to me!" Neal raised his voice to, stepping towards her in passion. 

"Oh god, enough with the gospel." Christa cried, fresh tears threatening her hard exterior. 

"She said no, and after healing, I met you. Our attraction was electric. Flirting with you was easy and felt right. The first night we spent together, you feel asleep and I watched you for hours. I can't let it end like this." Neal was standing in front of Christa, his hands itching to touch her. But he had to let her speak; Christa had to want him back before he did. 

"I... I said what I did for a reason. You were so-"

"Uncommunicative. I know that now. I told Grace we were together. I told her I didn't want her."

Neal had taken the words from her mouth, leaving Christa with nothing to say. 

"I love you." Neal said. He relished in the surprised look he gave her in that moment. Christa looked so sweet, her eyebrows raised and mouth slightly open. 

"I love you," he repeated ", and I promise you that I won't keep things from you. I never wanted to keep anything from you, but I was terrified of this happening. I couldn't see that keeping you from harm would end up hurting us like this." Neal gave into his desires, placing his hands on her shoulders, trailing up her neck, ready at any moment to pull her into a kiss. 

Christa could do nothing but stare. She realized this was how Neal felt when she had broken it off just forty minutes ago. Everything she wanted to say sat at the back of her tongue, but she couldn't work her mouth. He loved her. He declared it. But the question was; did she believe it?

"Tell me what you need. I'll get on my knees and beg for you to give me a chance to prove myself worthy of you." Neal was serious and took a step back, ready to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. 

"I love you too." She whispered. 

Neal pulled her into a kiss and Christa fell in love all over again. Both of them were ashamed that their declarations had happened like this... but it was never a dull day at Angel's. 

After a long embrace, Leanne had saw the sorry state her favourite power couple was in and sent them home. Despite being on the precipice of code black, it was obvious that the pair wouldn't have been very useful to her. 

Neal took Christa back to his loft, spending the rest of their night and all day just holding each other. It wasn't long before they were smiling and chuckling; Neal making softly lobbed jokes at her hands and Christa taking potshots at his puffy red eyes. 

It wouldn't be perfect, at least not for a little while. 

But it was perfect for them.


End file.
